Holding him accountable for mistakes. The Narcissist's Excuses - Mental Health Matters Cofe This is, both practically and morally, bad advice. ugh. It went from serious concern about his behaviors to the police belittling my call for help (we are not here to solve your relationship problems) and the mental health services deciding Im disturbed and needed to be put in hospital against my will to give me a break from my husband. Perhaps it is my personality, or my relationship with God, but I still believe everyone deserves love, and can finally see this man as woundedI do love him still with all my heart, and want to help without losing my soul in the process. Should I not be upset? Hes a gigolo too, pretty sure of it.I need him out of here and dont know how to be more blunt. so weve come to a better situation, but there is still alot to do. Well long story short, I have made the decision to end the relationship because I have finally realized that he has been using, abusing and manipulating me and it has nearly destroyed me. Ongoing hostile silence that never ends. This makes me feel degraded. The worse thing is seeing how he uses older women who are lonely and they need the attention they have no idea why he is in there life but its for something he wants done and they can help him accomplish his wants. Thank you to all the people who have made comment on this site, it sure has opened my eyes. That it had nothing to do with me. You found it on the floor and because you were mad at me you threw it in the trash. I stopped wanting him to respect me, my sacrifices, and started asking myself to do it. Do Narcissists Like To Be Held Accountable? The other piece of this for me isI know that somewhere along the way, Im going to really NEED him for something. Then on the first you told me you didnt have the money because it was Christmas and you needed money. I just need to decide. But my heart knows that I will never be able to count on him to be there for me unless it suits him and his own needs at the time. You wont get it while allowing a NPD to be in it. And of course its all my fault! I will continue to work with the information provided by Kim and Steve in hopes that I might heal and not attract another person with NPD in the future. However this individual, who was in my life for 2 1/2 years on and off NEVER said sorry. When a narcissist with a fragile self-esteem is held accountable he breaks into a narcissistic rage. I am an Australian living in the UK and am a single parent with an 11 year old daughter. Narcissists are excellent crazy makers!! It was all my fault she says because I crossed the line but she didnt do anything wrong. I was married to someone who could be defined as a toxic narcissist for thirteen years. Are you and Steve doing the Radio Talk Shows anymore? I cant continue this with the emotional scares he is dragging my daughter through as he plays daddy for the last four years then suddenly heads for the hills to go MIA without an explanation. Thanks again for all the hard work and time you put into all this, keep up the good work! Do I defend myself how do I handle the lies he tells me or texts me. I love him, I love my daughter and need to protect her, and I know there is a good man in therebut as long as he sits on both sides of the fence, we will continue to long for the real family that he is not sure he wants to be. Relation was ok, he has done many things which I know now were just leading up to hell. HE keeps pushing it out and starting to fight and I really need to know what we are doing, IE what my budget will be. That means I do as much as possible to surround myself with loving people, things I like to do, and time for myself to process everything in my life. For instance, it's important to hold the narcissist accountable when he acts condescending, selfish, controlling, or downright mean. I am so glad to know about it! (2) Damaged my car I have been scared of him & Several times I have ran to my car, locking the doors to get away from him& when I refuse to leave safety of my car, he threatens to damage my car if I dont get out of it, which has resulted in: door Handel ripped off, entire windshield wiper broken off, Three big dents in my door, cracked windshield and him keying my car. I know that I need to be patient and quiet.. Further if you are married to someone who is spending your money on gambling, an affair etc. But when I wasnt getting what he said he got totally and completely frustrated with me, said he didnt have time for this crap in his day so I offered to call her back and handle it and he refused said he would call. I am constantly lowering my expectations but I wont compromise my safety,tranquility and emotional stability. Narcissists love a good fight and not because they are any good at arguing but they know how to push your buttons. If narcissists are sure that theyre perfect, why would they mess with success? Never be afraid of the consequences they (Nar) will have to suffer for their own faulty decisions, it will only help them. nothing worked. Still in shock over a year later. Maybe if i had not had all the losses and children and could have spent my life concentrating on working on him there could have been hope but i think it is unlikely. Sorry to rush and also sorry to everyone I havent answered today I have a job for the next few days and dont have a lot of time! I have not entered a relationship yet until I am convinced hes relationship material. Hi Kim It is very important that you put all of the steps in Back From the Looking Glass in place. Years later he still says it was all my fault and I made it all up. Are you safe? My spouse left and never said why just left and of course it is all my fault. My advice if you are in a relationship with a nar, get out and dont let them manipulate you back in. Butterfly is my chosen name because if you help a catteiller out of its cocoon it will die. Are they likely to rape you again? He is so good with her, and loves him just as much as he loves herand I hate to give up on him because I believe there is a really good man in there, I am just trying to reach him. He will not hear me in that moment. Everyone loves him.minus his employees. I also defended him from everyone that tried to push him to get back to work. He has drained it! I have tried to work thru this with him and have seen a small improvement thanks to the advise from Kim and steve but he is so beyond any reality and reasoning that I have to do what is best for my children and myself. And even hope disappears into the sea blindness. I also wonder why you have chosen to avoid his affection in the past? When I ask him about his resistance he replies that hes he scared. How To Break Up With Someone Toxic/Narcissistic Safely - And Never Look Breaking Up With A Narcissist: How To Do It & What To Expect He feels I am wronging him by leaving. To me, there is no other explanation. He has not moved onto another relationship, though I suspect he uses porn as comfort. I guess he was held accountable for his choices and the natural consequences for his behavoir was the loss of his family. And also there might be a difference in willingness to open up. Thank you again for your courageous letter. I know he will never agree to have his check deposited into my account. All the idiots get tossed out quick, and NO i dont care about their opinion, and all the good solid people started coming into my life. You did nothing to help in the process and blamed me because the house had to be in my name, since your credit was bad. Your solutions have always been the right way to handle my N husband. I also take a supplement called laminine (amino acids & FGF) that helps regulate my hormones and neurotransmitters which get out of whack with the roller coaster ride of living with a narcissist and it helps them as well with theses issues eggoflife.com/jseals. Hold yourself accountable. Now that part I dont understand. The only thing you can do with a narcissist is get them out of your hair. I have been married 36 years and most of my married life has been filled with sadness and anger. 12) While driving the old car you locked yourself out one day and violently damaged the car trying to break into it causing hundreds of dollars of damage, instead of calling me to give you a spare key or calling a locksmith. He said he hates himself and directs that hate to me, but that it is his own selfhate. Ive allowed my husband to twist and manipulate, not be held accountable for most of it. I feel guilty as hell for my behavior deteriorating also. So hard to get out of my marriage for many reasons. We had an event October 12th to attend together, and I said we will keep this date, but that if things dont improve, that this will have to be goodbye. And me in my unrequited love stage and I am married to someone else.Long story and my wife knows about our relationship. Surely anyone married to a person with a mental health condition or personality disorder and who is at risk of being emotionally, psychologically or physically harmed is entitled to a dissolution of their marriage. Why are we attracted to this type? I am serious..and I would love to hear your take. Your children should come first and if you have an N boyfriend you need to break up. He wont make her happy she will be sad feel unloved and insecure with such a guy. I was thinking and came up with. Im doing my best to deal with everything. Others opinions of me do not matter or define who I am and what I am. Hi DA, Sorry this post has been so popular I havent had time to respond to everyone. Said it was a hurt beyond which I could ever know! Ive walked on eggshells for years and hes totally screwed my head ! I am so relieved to read LadyJanes post (response no. And he has told others (not me of course) that he thinks I was abusive to him. We keep educating ourselves to belong to something, to excel, to achieve, to alienate all those in our own selfish path. Abandonment can be a big trigger for violence and so please dont consider leaving a matter of being able to simply cut your losses and move on. My learned behaviour has been over many decades so will take time but recognise also that incremental change is sustainable, so am comforted by this. And you have a right to your own views and feelings. Have you tried instead of putting some effort into your relationship, like ask not what you want rather what you are prepared to give have you tried calling him and just saying I didnt hear from you so i called you up instead it may be possible that you both have expectations of each other yet will not humble yourselves to give to the relationship.
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