I was immediately put off but whatever its his life, right? Sure how to provide comfort this father's death. there is a minor child living with them, my grandchild. it is very hard. What the actualI have three cells (mine plus kids) and a landline and probably pay less than $200 - Canadian. They consider that he has destroyed the family and he has betrayed them because we are going to get married. No one has ever asked him to stop seeing this woman. My dad feels that since he lost his wife, it is all about his loss; he does not realize this his kids are hurting and while I know he is lonely, his behavior is unacceptable. However, this woman is a fair weather friend and has proved to the world her worthlessness. Of course, now he says the cruise has absolutely nothing to do with my mom and doesnt know why I think it does. He may have moved on and is ready to make sure he has a life partner in his life and home. One time he called me bawling when he got off of work because he picked up the phone and thought "I should call my wife to let her know I'm coming home." It actually appears he has chosen this woman over his own family, and his own action have proven that. I am so thankful to be in this place right now, because the earlier one was hell. I constantly encourage him to keep a relationship with them, I dont want him to separate from them. Within 4 months of her diagnosis, she was gone! ( the dynamics may change) I know that there is a sense of family loss when your father or mother enter a friendship or more serious relationship with someone else. Instead, he announced his engagement a mere 3 month and 3 weeks after her death. This can feel like being in a state of shock or confusion surrounding the death of a parent. I loved my wife deeply and will miss her for the rest of my life but I did start a relationship 3 months after her passing. Im surprised she even waited 18 months before she joined the dating agency. I am sorry that you are going through this. Before after a great degree of her death is required, ray magno. It has been 3 months since my mother passed away in a car accident. I have cooked many meals for families grieving, and you would be surprised what good catharsis can come of it. They cannot commit 100% to you. A good woman would honor her husbands relationships with his family to ensure his happiness. I once cut his hair too short,she told him he looked like a thug,wouldnt speak to him for days,now he panics every time I cut his hair incase I use the wrong fitting. Thanks so much for thoughts that I can easily transfer to my classes. People spend more time debating which car they will buy than Is this person suitable or are they just making themselves available?. Today is the one year anniversary of my mothers death from a 6 month battle with pancreatic cancer. My mom and dad were married for 30 years. However, and I really hate this, the house will go to Ellen if my Dad predeceases her. He would start giving stuff away, etc. time. Webmoving in with mom after dad died. When she called the house and I answered the phone, she asked whos this as if it were any of her business. His wife and you each have a different relationship with your father. I felt, and still feel, as though I am left in charge of making sure he's okay. About 8 months or so ago, he informed me that he was going out-of-town to meet a woman he had meet on an online dating site who lived in a nearby town. After a year of my distancing myself and my family ,due to awkward and mean conversations with him, he called me one evening yelling swearing and finally telling me I was never to be in contact we him ever again, then hanging up on me! Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on, to grow. He said just for companionship and a friend. They were awesome and always treat me with great respect. (My mother used to make jokes about her-that she was ugly, an old maid, etc). But Im really confused about how to take it all! Home After Moms Death, Daughter Struggles With Dads Girlfriend. Had she been a kind woman and shown any caring it would be different. She and my dad had been married 54 years, both were/are 78 then. How do I make peace with no longer having a relationship with my father and his lack of relationship with my daughters? Is this legal? Then he started calling her on the cellphone. Now a word to those of you that think your dad or your mom or whoever is moving on too soon, and cite for evidence it has only been 2 years, or 5 months, or 1 year, or whatever. That was tough, as it was my Moms house too and this woman just moved in and took over. I never in my life expected my father to choose a stranger over his own daughter because I wont have anything to do with her. All that matters is that she is respectful and sensitive and treats my father, my rock with the same as he treats her. They were married for 20 years. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in your situation. She knew her quite well and really does understand (as much as possible) what we went through. I was speechless. We are in the same scenarios, so I wont get into it. We became extremely close with my father and spent countless nights in the living room together playing games. Huge fake boobs, huge fake lips, and annorexic-like 95 pounds with these huge double ds that made her look like a porn star. My mom was my confidant, my best girl friend, etc. Whatever it may be, it is important to remember that there is a purpose for each person who enters and exits your life. I told her how much that upset us. It's a harsh thing to say, but sometimes during the grieving process you begin to think "why me" and "it's not fair to me", etc. My fathers personality is such that although he feigns bravado he actually lacks confidence and so this woman through herself at his feet and I guess he could not pass her up. I believe that I am a good, caring person who loves their father and only want the best for them, if they only will give me a chance. Trebalo bi da konsultujete svog lekara pre poetka primene bilo kog preparata, kao i da ga obavestite ukoliko neki preparat ve koristite. I just hope that you could open your mind to someone new in your life, understand that they are not trying to replace your mother or father. You are behaving with more emotional maturity than he is showing. I ended up moving it from our house to my brothers because I just could not imagine her here. Things we liked, or maybe even didn't like about her, moments we had, things we'll miss. I never got to really have my father to myself growing up and even more now. Does she have good credit, or credit in general? Just thought it might help to fill you in a bit more. Ahh, this hurts It feels moms memory is being tarnished and I want to make things right. Follow My dad passed away from throat cancer in Feb, just 4 months ago. No soon after my mom passed, my mothers 1st cousin started coming around. I honestly did not know that after the funeral and her burial that I could ever feel so much pain inside again. I cannot be grateful for a woman who has stepped in and commandeered control of my father and my family. However, at one point he asked whether the potential new visiter was married. I would feel more comfortable with him dating, even if he set up a local profile on eharmony to meet for a date within the large cities he lives by. He casually dated my best friends mother from high school. Fabulous job. The way her throat was moving up and down struggling for air. Give me a break. I want him to be happyI really dobut concerned and feeling robbed of my dad. So, please continue to allow yourself your grief, but also proactively seek the healing support from others and also through new experiences. I thought he was a grown adult. Unlike some women who date men so soon; no one could accuse her of trying too hard to fit, in or indeed trying at all! When my wife shot herself, I felt abandoned; I thought I would never be able to trust anyone again, especially a woman. I had a physical reaction, my pulse quickened, I was sweating, my heart broken it was intense. It is weird cause growing up i was over this persons house all the time hanging out with my friend her daughter and now she is seeing my dad.just weird. Each time I got to the house something else was touched not bathrooms cleaned or floors cleaned or my dads clothes organized, but places my mom had stuff were rearranged. For those of you who are grieving a loved one and dealing with similar things with a surviving parent or step-parent, I can relate to how you feel. Whatever it may be, it will do nothing but hold you back from opportunities and moving forward in life. I hope for your fathers and your sake that you can work this out, because to lose a daughters love is something that is unimaginable so I wish you the best. Not 6 months later, my father introduced my brother and me to his 28-year old girlfriend and her two children. Live ends and the rest of people around the one who died have to keep on living. I only wish that they and others would stop confusing the love and devotion I had for my wife and have to her memory with moving forward and living life. It looked as though he was sleeping, but closer inspection showed white foam dripping from his blue lips. We have tried talking to her about it and voiced our concerns. I would make sure to talk about my Read my previous posting (number 57, on Octber 6th.). So, I dont know why I cant feel the same way about my father. My parents were married for 44 years. As difficult as it is, the marriage vows are until death do us part. So now its November.. my dads house is in the process of being fully remodeled. All these things has to be dealt with at the moment that they occur or soon after. You dont state his age but he may face old age alone. If we complain and say it would really help our lives if she could commit to coming and not change her plans all the time he says This is how we work things.. We both knew it was her fault-she was just so stoned when we met her. He is making a bad choice because he is emotionally vulnerable- although I do not feel that is an excuse. Well it seemed to be a lot easier to deal with when it involved my sister in law and her new boyfriend than my dad and his new girlfriend. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. While reading some of the behaviors of the GFs, I felt very bad for some of you, I understand where you are coming from.. I found out that life wasnt over, that I could laugh again, that I could feel almost like the happy person that I have always been, and that it was a possibility that I could be happy again with someone else. Sometime in your life, your own children may be going thru the same experiences that you are going right now. He would just come by and drop off boxes and boxes of pictures and not go thru them. My mom passed away in October of 2010 after a six-month battle with lung cancer. I decided I was going to finish school for her and myself (which I did!). What people in your situtation need to realize it is not all about you, there are children, grandchildren, in-laws. Best of luck. Is she going to pay for her extra data if she causes it to go over? I dont understand her and I never will. You will never trust your fathers love for you again. Being with my father when he died taught me more about life than death. Last spring my Mom was killed in a car accident. My mother died in Aug. 2006 and my Dad just started dating a women a month ago. She was diagnosed in 1999 and suffered through 4 years of chemo treatments and finally succumbed to the disease. Sadly, I got engaged, married, pregnant, had baby, and lost my dearest grandpa all with her by my dads side which made me miss my mom even more. She said that she has insecurities. Never been there but me and my wife are so close that I seriously worry what I would feel if she passed away before me. My uncle laughed and said Ellen had my dad whipped. My aunt and uncle dont like Ellen either and I have sometimes talked to them about how I feel about her. Obviously, I cannot advise you. She refused to believe it; he was wrong. I felt guilty when I said I dont want to meet him, but since reading everyones comments I know im not an evil person for feeling that way. Try to work it out: In the end, even paying a renter or nonpaying guest to go away might be faster and cheaper than trying to evict him. He is depressed because he has been abandoned by her and takes it out on me. You cant just erase them from the face of the earth. Definitely this. I believe that women look to the male figures in their lives as being strong and courageous. Take care of yourself first. I really hate that as my Mom worked hard to help my Dad build that home. My dad has been acting differant since they started dating too hes been drinking more, ect. She isnt bad looking, but still She came to a fundraiser at the ELEMENTARY school that I work at wearing said mini dress and hopped out of my dads raised pickup truck.. have some decency please! It's not on you or your siblings to support her. He ignores his kids and grandkids for the most part and seems so involved in himself to take out true, quality time for us. The loss is still immensely painful. Many times, she would make the entire dinner and transport it to my nieces place, leaving them with food for the week. Does your mother want and/or need you to move in? Thank you Julie for your post. My Mom always hated clutter and Ellen junked up the house. the new woman has done away with every thing that was my daughters . Its safe to say she wouldnt spit on someone if they were on fire! The S flat out told me he did not have a problem with our dating. However, he has been pretending for the past few months that this older lady (probably about 10 years older than him) has just been buying gifts for my niece and making him food all the time because she feels sorry for our family. She was not ill. My father was already searching for a new companion at the wake and as soon as the funeral was over was on the prowl. What I got was a Thanks. So I now inhabit a house with them and their infant daughter. The women he dated didnt respond to him like he had hoped. IM AM SO ANGRY I GO VERY SOMTHINGS,I FEEL I HAVE LOST MY DAD ,I CANNOT GIVE MY BLESSINGS,BEFORE MY MUM DIED SHE TOLD ME DAD HIT HER WHEN HE DIDNT GET SEX,I THOUGHT SHE MENT WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG BUT HE HAS TOLD ME THINGS? It doesnt feel like my mother and I are working hard that will barely see each other, its actually settling in that shes gone. Anyone that knows me knows whenever you need something Im there for you I will do my best to help. It has made my grandmas home a horrible memory now and I really dont know what to do cuz this just isnt right, thanks any suggestions appreciated. He has chosen her over me and Im in straight hell constantly being reminded of my moms death as she is living much better in my house with her nose in the sky and always wnjoying when me and dad fight cuz of her. I think part of it, for me, is that I feel like if I accept my dad having a new woman in his life, I am being disloyal to my mom. The legal process in California gave the relative living in the house 60 days to move. I found all of this out the first day of my last semester in college. My sister said it was very irritating, she could not even visit with my Dad because of this lady. Been there.you just have to be there for her. And, she had others she could turn to for conversations that didn't involve which track we should dance to. The pain of losing my mother has quadrupled as a result of his behavior. Bringing in a stranger so soon after the death of a spouse and abandoning your own family during the time they need you the most is inexcusable. . Are you my twin? You have every right to be feeling absolutely appalling right now having lost your Mom and with everything going on with your father and being told that you should cheer up because things could have been worse for your Mom is so uncaring. Im 23 years old and an only child. I actually sang the song through my tears, and then sat in the YouTube parking lot for a few moments in silence. I assume you cannot know this feeling of losing a spouse unless it has happened to you. My dad just expects me to accept her and she might even be moving in to my house in the next few months which I rather live on the street than live with her. Who are all about my age. I was out of town on business. Thanks to whoever can help or give some insight. He told me he was upset because my younger sister had hung up on him. there is nothing you can say, but a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen will always help. With so little communication one could only conclude that it is based on attraction rather than having a lot in common. I dont understand what my children are feeling because I have not lost a parent so to sit here and say that I understand what you are going thru I cant. While we were in a coffee shop he took the time to be checking his phone to call this woman. That would not be my idea of telling those who are angry, devastated, confused and yes feeling it is wrong, disrespectful and hurting the very person you say you want to make happy in the end, DOES CLASS AND DECENCY RIGHT A BELL IN YOUR INCONSIDERATE AND SELFISH MIND? my mother had a dying wish for her ashes to be dispersed of in a specific manor and there was a plan to do this but now it has changed and i belive its because of new plans my father has made with his new girlfriend. More than anything else, you can simply be there for her. I need to be there. she said. Unless you are an orphan or have exiled yourself from your family, your choices do have an impact on family at all ages. It seems that tonight, my world was shattered all over again after his phone call. I just want to make the point that grieving cannot be hurried. I would even approve of someone who is from our church- not some stranger who feels comfortable enough to fly over on a whim to visit an online friend or whatever so quickly. Ten weeks after my mothers death this woman began coming to stay in the house.I cannot describe the awfulness of that time. It is so very hurtful. I felt at one point I could not cope. Issues like this will continue to arise, for example, when we begin having our own children, and we will continue to grow farther apart.